How to ensure your team feels heard

indigenous woman leaning forward while seated, to look at and listen to team member

There is a world of difference between ‘being listened to’ and feeling that you have ‘been heard’. But I have to admit that I didn’t really appreciate that fact until recently. My

focus has always been on refining the art of listening, by utilising more than just my ears, to make sure I picked up on any subliminal messaging. I hope I have by now honed that skill.

Along the way I have also developed a heightened sense of knowing when I am, and more importantly when I am not being listened to. I think you can feel that in your bones. It’s intuitive.

But lately, I’ve come to realise that what I always really wanted was to feel heard, more than to be listened to.  So, what is the difference?

 ‘Listened to’ vs ‘feeling heard’

Interestingly, hearing is deemed to be a passive action while listening is active. Based on this premise, if we wanted to convey a message to someone, we would hope the recipient was listening as opposed to simply hearing us. This is because listening requires focus and attention which are deliberate voluntary actions.  Hearing, on the other hand is more about our auditory receptors responding to sound and focus. Listening, implies a conscious awareness and intention to receive a message. Hearing is a physiological outcome that can usually happen without intention.

However, feeling heard is an entirely different experience

To feel heard is to sense a greater emotional connection - your message was not only listened to, but processed, understood and considered. It takes the concept of being listened to, one step further and results in an outcome that is gratifying and more effective.  You are validated.

This suggests that there are key differences in how the aftermath of a conversation plays out. Being listened to is a prerequisite to feeling heard so one would expect to see indicative signs throughout the conversation. Researchers say that the telltale signs that someone is listening constitute an array of verbal and visual cues, appropriate interjections and responses, focused attention on the speaker, eye contact and often an evaluation or summary of the discussion.

But we often think we have been listened to, only to discover a little further down the track that nothing has changed since the conversation. Sure, we were listened to- we saw the signs. But do we feel heard? Maybe not.

 Why is it important for employees to feel heard?

For an employee to be engaged, they need to know that they matter. This means believing that they belong, they are valued and are perceived as a significant  contributor to a higher organisational purpose. To feel you are not heard is to believe that you don’t matter. We spend approximately one third of our lives at work so the workplace impacts our perception of self. To feel that we don’t matter, undermines our physical and psychological wellbeing for extended periods of time.

 How to make sure your team feels heard

It’s important to know how to listen to your team and to ensure that they feel heard. Contrary to some beliefs, it’s not about yielding to requests or giving people the answer they want to hear. It’s about making sure that they feel heard.  This begins with active listening, followed by confirmation that the intended meaning has been received, the message has been considered and the loop has been closed by providing feedback if appropriate.

The following points will serve as a useful guide to ensure that you practice active listening and that your team members feel heard.

You begin by applying all the active listening skills that you have in your toolkit. This includes: 

1. Active listening includes

• Staying in the present with your full awareness activated

• Giving  your complete attention to the speaker- avoiding  distractions

• Making eye contact

• Using appropriate body language – leaning slightly forward with open posture, head nodding

•  Verbal gestures to indicate you are listening

• Asking questions and waiting for the responses

 2.        Making sure your team feels heard. You can do this by:

• Checking that you have received the message that they wanted to convey. It’s important that you not only hear what was said but also pick up on what was not said. It is critical that you understand the meaning and the significance of what was said

• Validating the speaker by confirming with them that you have processed and understood their intended meaning

• Following up with the speaker as soon as possible. If you are unable to respond immediately, explain your timeline so that they know when to expect you to come back to them. If possible, explain the impediments to providing an immediate response- this helps to legitimise your intention to consider the content of their message

• Closing the loop by ensuring that you respond to the issues that the person raised. Regardless of whether or not it is a response that favours the speaker, it is critical that you let them know that you have listened and understood  what they had to say. While they may not be thrilled by a response they didn’t want to hear,  to receive no response at all is to make a person feel insignificant and invisible.